Today is the First.

I am confused. 

I have been with the job that I love for 2 years now. It is the job of my dreams – maybe the job of your dreams even. See, I work for an NGO. We publish a magazine called Kwentong Negosyo (among all the other things that we publish) – a magazine designed as a medium to teach and inspire microentrepreneurs to grow their businesses. I get to interview different people from literally different walks of life – from a housewife who started her piggery business from P 500 to a CEO of a known toothpaste company. I have a flexible schedule. This job brought me to places like Davao, Batangas, Laguna, Nueva Ecija, Talim Island, and Baguio, among others, for free! Oh, travelling perk 🙂 I have learned different advocacies from different people – I get inspired by their stories. All in all, it is really a good job.

But all good things come to an end. Generally speaking, all things do not last. So now I am saying goodbye to my beloved job. The reason as to why I am quitting this job deserves another blog entirely. This is my third goodbye for the year.

Funny how something you thought is permanent could drastically change your life. One goodbye led to another, and got me really thinking, and so I am faced with another goodbye. As I entered this year, I thought I got a pretty strong hold on the things important to me – my career, my family, my service, my friends, my lovelife. But all of these things, exactly the same things that make me happy, I am saying goodbye to now.

Which leaves me with one confused me. I woke up one morning, feeling liberated but confused at the same time. I realized, I do not know what to do next. I do not know what I want to become. I do not know what I want. I want many things at the same time – that scholarship in Singapore is looking really good to me right now; that offer from mom to let me study again is not a bad idea too; that events business I’ve been putting out for the longest time seemed to be the thread I am hanging on to for life; that feeling of relief when I think of the bum months ahead of me; that question whether or not I change my mind regarding my resignation. As I get more and more confused, I got deeper and deeper into an abyss.

I don’t want to be in this abyss. I struggled to get up.

Last Monday, I happen to pass by Powerbooks in Megamall. I forgot how I used to love reading. I stayed there and read books. Then I found Purpose Driven Life. And I committed myself into 40 days of changing my life.

Today is my first day.
I whispered a long prayer this morning.

As I find myself in this journey of finding myself, I was reminded: Your purpose is not about you – it is not about what you want, what you need, what you like to do. You were made because of, for and by God. The only way to really find yourself is through God.

And I will start with that.

“For in him were all things created in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones, or dominations, or principalities, or powers: all things were created by Him and in Him.” Colossians 1:16


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