To you, who made my heart smile,
The saddest thing you can say to anyone is “goodbye”; but sometimes in life, it is inevitable.
Keep this in mind: this isn’t goodbye. You think I am used to it by now, saying goodbye, letting go. I thought I only had to endure 3 goodbyes this year, but they keep on coming by. This is not one of them.
Although I know you came in with a deadline, I was not prepared. I was caught off guard, and I was surprised by the suddenness of it all. It came too soon. Keep this in mind: this isn’t goodbye.
You have chosen this path in your lives, and it is without us (physically, at least).
If I knew it would be the last camp I had with you, I should have stayed more, slept less. For I know that for every minute that I close my eyes, I waste 60 seconds of a sight of you. I should have stayed awake while others slept. If I knew it would be the last night, the last conversation, I should have videotaped each action and play it over and over. I should have memorized each word, even the words you were not saying. If I knew it would be the last sight of you, I should have hugged you more, hugged you tight, talked less, listened more. If I knew it would be the last time that I’d see you smile, I should have photographed it; I’d tape it in my wall so I could see you everyday. If I knew that it would be the last night that I get to see you fall asleep, I should have prayed to God, your soul to keep. If I knew that time was running out, I should have told you more often how much I love you, how much I appreciate you, how life is so much better with you in it.
Tomorrow ran out for us. I thought we would always have one. I regret all the times I let slip away, banking on tomorrow for everything I did not do or say. Keep this in mind: This is not goodbye.
When I say this, I hope it’s not yet too late: I love you, I’ll miss you, I appreciate you. I guess it is safe to say, you are one of the families that I hold dear in my heart. I’ll treasure every memory of you. We love you. You have to leave us now, but in no way will we ever forget. Keep this in mind: this is not goodbye.
So I’ll say this one instead: I’ll see you soon (after 5 years).
Sometimes, it’s not only the bad memories which could make us sad, but also the best ones which we know will not happen for the second time.