When it rains on this side of town, it touches everything.

I woke up this morning feeling gloomy. Great, it’s raining. I am not so much a fan of the rain. For some cosmic reason, I feel gloomy whenever it’s raining.
And since I am so self-absorbed lately, the misty morning got me thinking: How many farewells should a (wo)man face throughout (her)his entire lifetime?

  1. I thought, maybe one count, for that first overnight at the grandparents’.
  2. Another, for every kiss-on-the-cheek goodbyes that I gave my parents before I leave for school every morning.
  3. One count for every graduation I had been into, the worse being my college graduation.
  4. Consider that longer goodbye before I flew off (or rode a bus off) to a boarding school for college.
  5. For every gimmick night with friends, overnight projects, and the like.
  6. For that long week of vacation without my parents.
  7. For nights of endless conversations with friends I rarely see, knowing that the night must soon end.
  8. One for the weekends in Baguio, saying hello then followed by goodbye, always too soon.
  9. For out-of-town conferences.
  10. Another count for every morning before going to work.
  11. One for that first heartache.
  12. For friends that come and go.
  13. For despedida parties of friends who search for “greener pastures” (if they ever existed).

And I couldn’t think of more goodbyes. Hell, this list must be endless, it’s already breaking my heart just thinking about them.

Too many goodbyes in one lifetime.
Too many goodbyes; in fact, more than is necessary.
Some of these are sealed with promises. “Let’s do this again”, “We should meet again”, or, the worst yet, “I love you. I miss you”.

It has been 1 week since you said goodbye. We’ve been through this before. And I was thinking, we weren’t really supposed to say goodbye to each other. We didn’t end our conversations with goodbyes, but with I-love-yous instead. We both hated the word goodbye. And now you threw the word right on my face. I was going back on every single promise you made, and they cut through me every time. And as if that’s not enough, every memory of you (which I refuse to put away) is pouring lemon on each cut. And I knew I was alone.

 

Disclaimer: This was written on my bitter days.

Please know that I am happy now, and that although I still agree with most of what’s written here, know that I am happy for this person as well.

And! Please know that I learned that although a person has to go through too many goodbyes in a lifetime, most of these goodbyes are followed by hellos, and that it is a cycle. Although people say goodbye, most of them come back.

Goodbyes are like doors – it’s like saying goodbye because you’re in a smaller room, and when you open that small door, you will be overwhelmed with more hellos from more people on that bigger room that you’re gonna find yourself into. And that’s just how life is: it’s a cycle, and it’s beautiful.

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