I have had my fair share of running after boys, thank you very much. Look where it got me. At 23, I am still hoping that one day, my future husband will swing by and take my heart away. At least, that’s how I picture it happening. At 23, I hope I get it right this time – and getting it right will have to start from the beginning: old-school courtship.
I sometimes think it’s sad that we don’t practice old-school courtship anymore. Although we don’t have a terrace, I think it would be cool for a guy to throw stones at my window at night (Note to self: Make sure I give the window of my room, not my parents’ room.), bring his friends along for moral support, and sing a crappy love song with guitar accompaniment. It would be twice cooler to know that he drunk a glass of lambanog or tapuy before going to my house, just so he could bottle up enough courage for the harana.
Of course, being the musically inclined person that I am, I’ve had past lovers dedicate songs for me already. My favorite ex used to sing “I’m Yours” by Jason Mraz for me, with guitar accompaniment, on his apartment, during those cold nights in Baguio. At 19, I thought nothing could be more romantic. Obviously, I was wrong.
The running-after-me stage (courtship) will last for about 4-6 months. He will put his best foot forward, but I would like him to be just himself. What’s the point in all of it, if I wouldn’t get the chance to really know him, right? I would take this time to:
- Know his family – This is as per my mom’s advice. Investigate his medical history (hypertension, high-blood pressure, mental illness, diabetes, cancer, TB, hepatitis, allergies, etc.), know his parents – especially my future mother-in-law, learn about their family traditions, know his clan, etc.
- Check his nape – This is as per my grandmom’s request: she doesn’t like guys with charcoal-colored napes.
- Take note of his personal hygiene – Check his nails, smell his breath (oh please), check his teeth, his armpits, etc.
- Know his religion – This is very important to me. Like the famous Shamcey, this is a requirement that is not amenable. He should be a Catholic, and he should be good at it. He should be the one to lead me closer to God. I believe in this so much that I am praying for this, everyday.
- Observe his relationship with others – I want to know how he is treating his parents, his mom and siblings (especially his girl siblings) because my mom said that that’s how he would eventually treat me (as a wife). I also want to introduce him to all of my friends, family, clan, workmates, fellow Singles (SFL), band mates, etc. Their opinion matter to me. Or at least my mom’s opinion. If my mom approves, then he’s a one, lucky guy.
- Be familiar with his playlist – This is important to me because I would like for us to sing songs together/for each other in the future. I would like for us to sing She and Him while in line, Flyleaf while travelling, etc. I am willing to listen to his playlist, and I’m sure he is willing to do the same for me, but a similar playlist would really come in handy.
- Examine his economic status – Being in the courtship stage can really be economically draining (or so they say), that’s why it is important that this person could already support himself financially. I want to make sure that he can provide for the both of us, but still have enough to give to his family.
- Study his behavior/values – I would like to hear a lot of stories from him, probably during long walks or over coffee. I would like to know about his past relationships, how he is as a boyfriend, if he is emotionally ready for a relationship, or if I can consider him to be my future husband. I would like to know every detail of him, how he would react on certain situations, etc. Is he honest, polite, prudent? These things take time. I do not like to be in a relationship with a paranoid.
I think it is a good idea to list down the things that you would want in a future husband/boyfriend. It’s also a good idea to pray for a specific person / specific characteristics. Maybe in my next blog, I would write a list with these characteristics. If only to make it more obvious that I have been thinking a lot about relationships lately.
I also recommend that you read this.