I just need to write.That is all.
I have no intentions of hurting you, or misquoting you without your consent. I just want to write everything down to make sense of the facts (or not). I want them to be black and white, not gray – like this trap that I happily and willingly placed myself into.
So we all planned a trip to Baguio. Being a Baguio kid that you are (like myself), I remember you being so excited about the trip. You said something about bringing your camera to do your night trail at Diplomat Hotel. You got me since then.
I went on with the plan, without all of you. It was my Alumni Homecoming anyway. We lost touch with each other. I was all over the country – Palawan and Baguio in the same week. Nonetheless, I did not forget to greet you on your birthday. It was a classic greeting, I must say.
This is getting so lame, and I am boring myself as I am writing this. I just want to rant, that is all. So let me do just that and skip all the details:
1. I bought P 100 peso load when you texted me, and registered for 5-day unlimited text right away.
2. I turned from the-girl-who-does-not-text to the-girl-who-checks-her-phone-every-2-minutes-waiting-for-your-text. Not only that, I became a member of the cant-eat, cant-sleep movement. Yes, I succumbed to all that drama and stress.
3. I went on leave when you came to Manila to get your camera fixed. I didn’t tell you that.
4. I was stressed over what to buy, what to do and what to wear ideas for 2 days since you asked me to go out with you. That includes getting my nails and hair done, buying new blush, shoes and clothes.
5. I told you I had a crush on you.
That was the end of it.
Notice how many times I used I? That’s right. I guess I was selfish. It all starts with expectation.