Starting Over.

There is a kind of sadness and excitement in the idea of starting over.

Knowing that I want to get married and have children in the future, I have been proactive in searching for that one person who will do all these things with me. I have been reading a lot of books, asking for older people’s opinions, going out a lot (not to mention spending a lot, too), mustering the courage to talk to random strangers, etc.

It is exciting to introduce yourself to others, knowing this time that you have gathered more experience and wisdom. Knowing how to package yourself well, knowing when to say the right things at the right time. Knowing how to play your cards right. If only to make it seem that your life is more interesting than it is. Collecting bits and pieces of information from the other, and comparing it to your preferences.

However fun and exciting it must be, I find it rather frustrating at times. Don’t you find it sad when you have to explain yourself to somebody all over again? When you have to decipher every little thing about that somebody? When you have to tell the same stories you know you already told someone else before him/her? When you have to introduce that somebody to your family and friends, earning for their approval? And the comparison – oh! Judgments.

Today, I don’t want to move. I just want to stay here, stuck where I am – in between yesterday and tomorrow.

 

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