Dear Future Lover,
I fell in love with six people before you.
What are their names, you might ask?
They are Who, What, When, Where, Why, and How.
Who was a rocker guy I met when I was in college. He was a member of a rock band; he plays lead guitar and grows a goatee. He has a square jaw, number of piercings, macho attitude – yet a real gentleman underneath. He was everything I ever dreamed of. I fell for him hard, but so did just about every other college girl I knew. I became his number one fan, his groupie, his personal cheerleader. What we had was short-lived and we ended it nicely. Still, I can’t help but wonder if this dream guy and I might have something more than just infatuation.
What I love was a boy I met a year ago. He is funny, sensitive, witty and sensible. We love the same stuff, listen to similar music, share the same ideas. He was there for me through every heart ache and every heart-break. He always knows what to say. We know secrets about each other that we dare not tell anyone else. I love him, and there are days when I think he loves me, too. We are perfect; we could have been perfect, except that I already accepted a long time ago that we are never gonna be together.
When I love was a boy from highschool. He was my first love, first kiss. It was young love – full of energy, so much emotions, promises and hope. It was a time of revelations, of exploring together, experiencing things for the first time, of sneaking out, late-night talks and doing unreasonable things for fun. With him, I felt so secure and safe. Now he’s just a guy I used to know. What we had will always remain treasured in a place neither of us can touch. It has become a nostalgic memory.
Where I love was a boy I met in Baguio. We were both in college and away from our families. He’s smart, loves music, God-loving and one of the sweetest persons I know. Our love gave warmth to the cold weather of the city. Like the generosity of the city to its foreign residents, we both risked everything we had on the line. He was my late-night walks on deserted streets with street lamps and fog as company. He was my stolen kiss, my secret hand-held, my deep and meaningful sigh. When people ask me what my favorite city is, I always tell them I left my heart in Baguio. Part of the reason why is him.
Why I love is a girl from work. She is passionate. Her love really did conquer it all. What we had was a roller-coaster of emotions that I thought would last long. For what little time we had, she taught me that love cannot be contained nor restricted. It is free, like the wind. It can be ever-present through time, across stereotypes, amidst the labels and despite the distance. Looking back, it was she who taught me and showed me what love really is.
How I love is a guy I met two years after my last relationship. Just when I had almost given up on numerous dates that have the same ending, he came along. He showed me that love is still possible, and that every heart-break and the long wait is all worth it. He is someone who is not meant to be mine; only meant to teach me how to love and to believe in love – again (and again and again..).
You are not one of them, future lover, because you are all of them. You are who I love – the dream guy, the guy on the pedestal, my fantasy, the guy who just about every other girl wants to be with. You are what I love – my best friend, the guy who knows everything about me, my depth, inside jokes, the guy who can read my intimate thoughts yet still chooses to love me for who I am. You are when I love – the first love all over again, my young love with whom I will share memories with. We are building history together that the older version of ourselves will someday reminisce about, hopefully on our wedding day. You are where I love – the guy I will remember as a time of the day, a love that no distance can ever limit, a map to a city; because I am willing to go anywhere for you. You are why I love – you make me unreasonable and insane most of the time. You give me no reason not to love you. You give meaning to my past and my future. You are how I love – you open my heart up to loving again after everything I have been through. You are my hope, my future, my reason to smile and to wake up every morning. You push my heart beyond boarders, beyond my comfort zone – opening me up to a world I never imagined I could create. I keep on wondering how I am with someone as wonderful as you.
You are seventh; and you are the last.
All credits to Wong Fu Production’s video, The Last.