I sometimes wish I could record my dreams so I could re-watch them and memorize them. Or maybe just this dream.
I had a dream last Monday. I dreamed I was being chased by someone who was probably tortured during his adolescent years, taking away his childhood and happiness. With determination, he enrolled himself in karate class and became black-belter in no time. Since then, his hobbies include a lot of kicking everything he finds blocking his way, and, well, finding pleasure seeing fear and panic on people’s faces, is the antagonist in my dream. I’m thinking now that maybe I watch too much TV, because the antagonist looks a lot like Jet Lee – no shirt, black sweatpants, Jose Rizal hair with sweat. How appropriate for the summer heat!!
The scene looks a lot like China town – though I haven’t been there, but I’ve seen enough movies – where everything is made out of stocked boxes, and everybody is in a graceful hurry. What I was doing in one of the stores, changing my clothes, is beyond me. Through a piece of wood which serves as a door or curtain, I saw the antagonist checking me out as I was about to unclasp the string on my halter top. Upon seeing me seeing him, he kicked my door or curtain out of the way, and I started screaming and running. It was like that for a long time, run run run, until my supposedly boyfriend came to my rescue. How I knew that he is my boyfriend, I do not know now. In my dream, I just know. We ran together until there was nowhere else we can run to. Just like a movie you know is about to end, the antagonist runs slowly towards us, with the this-is-the-moment, you-have-nowhere-else-to-go-to, I’ve-got-you-now smirk on his face. I lost all hope, all the hope I had when I ran into my boyfriend, and we were standing there. We were standing there, me and him, and he hugged me. Writing about it now, I can still feel how tall he is with his chin above my head, and how muscular he is – his big, bulky arms around me. I imagine his smile, his everything’s-gonna-be-alright smile. That was when I woke up.
Why, why, why did I have to wake up during the best part of the dream?!?? Or was that because I was spared from the part where we would be dying a Romeo and Juliet death?? With my boyfriend? Did we make it to the front page of the newspapers the next morning: “Mag-syota, natagpuang patay habang magkayakap sa isang eskinita sa Binondo. Dahilan ng pagkamatay, sinipa sa mukha ng malupit!”? I wish I had more time to sleep that night so I could at least get the name of my boyfriend and where he lives, but no! He remains nameless to this day!
I posted this story on Facebook Tuesday morning. My friends and I made fun about my dream. What a weird dream. But my, what weird friends I have!
It was only Tuesday evening when I realized something. Something so important. Something that would redeem my funny and weird dream. Last Sunday, April 21, was the feast day of the Good Shepherd. During the homily, the priest encouraged us to spend extra time to pray for our vocations. Jesus, the Good Shepherd, will take us, his (good/pasaway) sheep, to that pasture He has prepared especially for us. All we have to do is to listen to the Shepherd’s voice and He will take us there, safe and sound. But supposing we are all pasaway sheep, we don’t have to worry, because the Shepherd that we have is the kind that will look for us, that won’t sleep until He finds us, that will carry us no matter how filled with bilbil we are, just so He can take us to the right path. This destination with running water and green pastures is our life vocation, the greatest desire of our hearts, our forever source of happiness. They say that finding our vocation in life is our purpose, and living this purpose will give us eternal content and peace of mind and heart. That Sunday afternoon, I remember clearly, I prayed to the Shepherd to reveal to me what my vocation really is – married life (which, all along, I secretly hope so), single-blessedness or religious life.
Could it be that He was quick to answer when I dreamed about a boy, a boyfriend, possibly my husband, that would run with me through all the struggles of life, stand by me when problems need be faced with courage, hold my hand whenever I feel scared and hug me when I am hopeless? If it is, then Lord, my Good Shepherd, this is my heart’s desire. Prepare me for this journey and prepare this man as well. I am excited to meet him.