Relationship Goal: Love Should be Greater Than Lust

In a live interview on “Aquino & Abunda Tonight” in February, Toni Gonzaga, 30-year-old actress-host openly admitted that she and her boyfriend of over eight years, film director Paul Soriano, have never shared a bedroom to “avoid temptation.”

Quick plugging: For those who don’t know who Toni Gonzaga is, you should watch her films: My Amnesia Girl and Starting Over Again.

Hands down! This is setting the relationship bar higher. Clearly, staying away from sexual temptation is no small feat, and nobody said it’s easy. But it makes sense. This is the kind of relationship that I want to be in someday. I want to be with someone who will love me past my physical appearance, flaws and all, and can respect my decisions – no matter how hard they might be. No judgments here. Heck, if she can do it, then I, too, can do it.

This got me really thinking yesterday after I have posted this. I am not using Plato or Aristotle, or even Epicurean philosophy. Using Datenean logic, I write this:

As humans, we all have our free will to do what we want to do. And I agree. We shouldn’t be limited by certain set of rules, boundaries, culture, beliefs, norms, stereotypes, judgments, etc.

“The soul, being created prone to Love
is drawn at once to all that pleases it,
as soon as pleasure summons it to move.”

Pleasure is everywhere, from all the corners of this world, from all the corners of your mind. And it is there for the taking. The soul is made with a potential for love; it is naturally drawn to that which pleases it, and yearns for that which attracts it. Loving pleasure is not bad. Heck, God made pleasure and made man be drawn to pleasure because God wants us to achieve happiness.

We are humans. Having laid the fact that our soul longs what gives it pleasure, I move on to my next argument: reason. But how do we merit loving what is good and blame bad love? “No man can know of his first cognizance if he is drawn to good or bad pleasure or love.” But it is this reason, the mind that we posses that must “surely guard the threshold of our consent.” The mind dictates what we allow and don’t allow our body to pursue. “All love that burns in us springs from necessity; but we still have the power to check its sway,” its motive, its goodness. Not that I have anything against Plato and Aristotle who believes that morality should be based on ones free will, or even Socrates who bets all his pennies to the innate goodness of a man, but I have to agree with Dante when he said that “there develops within the soul a capacity to reason, and in order to gather the soul into a harmonious unit, innate reason (above free will and pursuit of pleasure) must decide what may and what may not pass the threshold of the soul and be gathered into its love. With reason as the principle of conduct, the soul is then responsible for its actions.” Ha! Way to go, Dante. That’s scholarly philosophy for you! *wipes off blood from my nose*

I remember an article I read a few years back about self-control. Sex is really important in a relationship, and I totally, with-all-of-my-heart-and-mind agree. It was made pleasurable by God for the purpose of pro-creation. But control in every sense is important as well. We are humans. What makes us different from animals
we have a capacity to think. Thinking, above everything else, before acting. Which is why God is so wise as to put our minds on top of everything, even on top of our hearts – so we may not be swayed so easily by our emotions. Our mind is a powerful thing, they say. If we have the capacity to control or restrain ourselves of the little things so we may become better persons (I believe we should eternally be in pursuit of our best self, which, Dante believes, should be the case as well) like restraining from food that we think would be bad for our health, or habits that would not be beneficial to us and the people that we love and count as important, then we can practice even more and greater acts of sacrifices such as, well if it is not that obvious yet, not having sex before marriage.

(Oh blah this post is starting to get so intellectual, I’m not sure you can still even relate to it. This is what I get for reading too much Dante.)

So to you, Toni Gonzaga: CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.

PS: Aside from Toni, other celebs who vowed no sex before marriage are: Nikki Gil, Janine Tugonon, Miriam Quiambao, and Patty Laurel (now Filart), Rica Paralejo (now Bonifacio), Maricar Reyes and now husband, Richard Poon, and a whole lot more.


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